Today I cried
I had been counting down to this day for so long, it seemed to come in a blink. I couldnt sleep, it was like christmas when I was 10 all over again. Today was my first 5k official run. I arrived early, registered got my jacket sat against the wall and made a playlist for my run. I was nervous, a million thoughts ran through my head. What if I cannot do this, you didnt train long enough, you are too slow to be here, look how fit everyone else is, why are you even here. But theres an energy in the room, when you get a bunch of people together with the same goal, ideas, love, whatever, there is a energy about the room that you can’t quite describe. I don’t know what even happened in that hour I waited around for things to start. But I sat there, adjusting my shoes, waiting for it to all begin. The coordinator said that we were gonna begin and people started walking out and so I did too (equipped with my micoach of course) Its strange to run in an area that you never ran before. Now I understand the reason people often go out to run the course before hand. It makes you wonder how long it will take, where you are going and how far it is. I really dont like that feeling, at the beginning Im always telling myself why do you bother, but i’ve come too far and I have a new voice. Its small but there it constantly tells me never to give up and that we’ve trained for this. That its just a new adventure and giving up means failure.
And I made it after pushing all the bad thoughts out, 30:14. My goal was 30 mins so ill take it. 14 seconds means nothing to me really. I pushed myself hard. Ran till it hurt. The wind was strong, the roads were icy, but its no excuse I did it. I should have ran hard at the end, but it doesn’t matter because i did it. And on the way back home I cried. I cried because I never thought Id come this far. I never in my life dreamed Id ever wear a medium. I thought Id forever be the fat friend, the one people stared at on the bus, the girl who didn’t want to go out because that would mean id have to show people how un healthy I was. I’m not that person anymore, I can keep up with the boys. I’m not the last one in, I passed people, and most of all Im proud of who I am and so today I cried tears of accomplishment.
