January 2012
27 posts
love, protein, hunger
In no particular order, I should really be in bed , but I just finished baking egg muffins and baked tofu. Baked tofu has easily become one of my favorite things to make. Firm tofu, press in paper towel, marinade over night or for a couple of days. Put in oven 15 mins each side. Bake. take out broil if needed. Yum. Awesome as a side, on top of salads, or even a post workout snack. I love it,...
Diets
I absolutely hate the word diet. HATE HATE HATE.. I am NOT on a diet. I have changed my eating habits. I eat A LOT of food. I do not starve. Or eat things that are boring. My plate usually is a rainbow, or pretty vibrant colors. The reason I say this is because there is a girl where I tan and she had a eating plan. Whenever i see them I want to snore and say booooring. So boring. Shes not...
the negatives and the positives
What do you do when your sabotagers are family and friends you really care about? I still don’t really deal with this problem well, and I have had people ask me this question. Not directly but they text or message me when it happens. The only thing I can do is ignore it really and know that we are doing the best we can for us. I cannot emphasize how important it is not to dwell on it. This...
Im grumpy and i know it
This week has been hard core the blahs week. I have not wanted to get up at all!! Its really disappointing but it happens about every few weeks or so. I just feel like throwing in the towel. I have this little voice that says “I don’t care anymore. Give up already. Its all for nothing. You’re never going to compete and you’re dumb for thinking of doing it!” I dont...
Rest day
Im taking the day off and feeling quite guilty about it. I’ve been exhausted. I don’t really know why. Not body tired, but in the brain like I just don’t want to do anything. I think it has to do with my not running outside. I like the freshair. But its been too cold and being a gym buddy you don’t really get a chance to, but it may be that boxing and gym time has just been...
The days you want to give up because you’re too tired. Are the days you HAVE to do it. Otherwise you are just falling back into old habits. They are easier but you are not that person anymore. You are stronger than that. <3 I can do this.
don't tread on me
I HATE HATE HATE running on the treadmill. I get so bored. I always wanna quit and i get so annoyed at it. I really don’t know how anyone can do it. It feels like punishment to me. I always get off early and jump rope for a bit. It frustrates me so much because I want to run so bad so i try inside but I think im going to just have to stick to running outside, just so it gets done.
So i keep...
b cups
Its the la senza semi annual sale, and as much as I did not want to admit it, my breasts have shrunk like crazy this last round of working out :( So i finally took the plunge and got some new support….. Verdict = OMG WHERE DID THEY GO lol. When i was over weight i had h cup and now a B cup. So weird to me. For the longest time I hated how big they are and now that i don’t have boobs...
carbload
I love love carbs.. today was a bit of a cheat day. I say bit but 2.5 muffins and a baileys coffee later the day is done. I need them once in a while tho. I find sometimes if i just do what I want then i don’t sneak cookies, candies and treats. Because i’ve said its okay. 1 day out of so many is not that bad as long as you go back to doing what you’ve always done right away and...
I don’t have them often, but its there. Im having a moment of self doubt.
excuses and success
Ever notice how there are always excuses to not do something. Im too tired, i don’t have the time, i don’t have the energy. It takes half an hour to workout. Just to take a walk to start off, you don’t need to go all out you just need to move for 30 mins a day or 3 times a week to start. The energy will come eventually right now your body is using the energy that you don’t...
Books, boxing
Today has been fairly eventful, in actions and ideas. Its been kinda neat. I was thinking yesterday about how I should listen to aunty N and write a book about my life but I have no sucess or big ending yet. So I’m going to hold off a bit longer. I do want to tho, I want to make my life a success and I want it written down for when I’m too old to remember it I can have a reference back...
I want to succeed
I found this video, it has the words of Eric Tomas the hip hop preacher and he could not have said it better. I’ve listened to it so many times. The end I always feel the same. It does hurt, hurts so bad I can’t breathe sometimes. Something inside of me is driving me to a point where I cannot allow myself to fail and I want to take people with me to the top. I want to help others...
you made it baby
This was from ben does life. Hes one of the people I’m a huge follower of. One day I hope to have one of my heros post something about me, mention me or something. That would be amazing.
The unbelievable moment when Kara Goucher says she’d be “honored” to write the foreword to your book.
bendoeslife:
Pa, you’re getting bumped up to chapter one.
Buckle down and write a...
Because its easier?
I think I put a lot of effort into my classes. I would never go and not give it my all, it just seems like a waste of time and money, on both ends. I could see today how frustrated the instructors were with some of the people at the class, and its funny how they seemed to disappear half way through. So I ask you, are you going to just show up or do you put the real effort in?
You cannot just go...
Fight club and shakes
Info for fight club came out this week. Im excited and want to do it so bad, but its expensive. I have half the amount of money in tips and the amount i’ll be busy and plan on doing just nothing really, staying home, knitting and movies for the next bit im pretty cool with it. I want to become someone I never thought I could. I want to walk the beach and not worry about being to fat to be on...
a year in the making
its almost my year anniversary for my weightloss and I figure what time better then now to finally submit my story to a magazine or something. After meeting Tosca Reno in November I made a promise to Aunty N that I would, but never did. I dragged it out like I do with most things. I wasn’t ready. I’ll never be “ready”. I am quite afraid of doing but I said I would and so I...
still being honest right... damn
Honest is looking yourself in the mirror and saying you still do it. I am still a closet eater. I eat things I know are bad and hide it. I feel guilty and yet I still do it. I do it when I’m bored, stressed and especially when I’m tired. Today was one of those days. I hate these days, I am better than that. I’ve over come a lot to get to this point so why do I fall into these...
Krystle vs physio
apparently I have no butt. Or in this case its not the right kind of butt. Its a weak one with hip issues, which explains why I cannot do leg lefts while in plank. I do NOT have strong hip muscles so I have been banished to the wall of shame to do 2 exercises to strengthen my hips. Its so sad. I can barely lift my leg and holding it takes a lot of strength, this is with no weight attached to my...
My body is tired, but my mind is not ready to quit. Push past the exhaustion and pain.
T-rex Rawr!
The one thing I love about confusing your body is the pain. Im addicted to it in a sense. Its better than any endorphin. Its the feeling of knowing your body is trying to rebuild itself for the better and that makes me happy. So all day ,after yesterdays gym session, I had a case of t-rex arms. Where it hurts to move them higher, reach further, do anything other than what is right in front of you....
You might think im crazy
I started my groupon for snap today, its a cute gym with lots of cute boys. The boys are NOT why I am there tho. I’m there to support and gain muscle. So I did 2 workouts today. And ill be sore tomorrow, but thats the point right. So that means boxing and gym visits. Here we go.
Today I cried
I had been counting down to this day for so long, it seemed to come in a blink. I couldnt sleep, it was like christmas when I was 10 all over again. Today was my first 5k official run. I arrived early, registered got my jacket sat against the wall and made a playlist for my run. I was nervous, a million thoughts ran through my head. What if I cannot do this, you didnt train long enough, you are...
Resolutions
As of last year I stopped making new years resolutions because like most people, I am terrible at keeping them. So I make goals or something that is achieveable. This year goes as follows
as long as I can run. I will do at least 1 full marathon and as many 5-10 ks as possible.
Drink More water
Not sweat the little things
Try Crossfit.
And love . Just love as much as I can and not be...
December 2011
11 posts
no longer ashamed
As of today I am letting go of my embarrassment and shame. I should not be ashamed of my weight before because I am no longer that person. I have moved on and become someone else, someone much stronger emotionally and physically than I was before. Telling the coach at boxing was not a mistake it was good thing, he pushes me and in turn I push myself. Being told that he was proud of me kind of...
mistakes?
I keep saying it was a mistake, but was it really? I’ve told 2 coaches at boxing about my struggle and weightloss one was just surprised the other uses it to push me. And in my head i keep saying that it was a mistake to tell him as he announces to the class ” SHE LOST 100 pounds”. I know he uses it to push me but its like my embarassment and yet my reason to keep going. If he...
you have to want it
Something I forgot to mention that was talked about today is the want. You have to want it. It has to be something you want so bad it hurts. It has to be more important than anything else in your life. I know that you’re busy, that you have family, that there are bills to pay, but all of that can wait, because without YOU there is nothing else. So work for it. Make you more important than...
support and christmas
I love when people can just tell that you’re dealing with the same issues. Whether they see the scars left behind from dramatic weight loss, or the drive that pushes you. They get that you’re kinda crazy that you will push yourself your hardest to keep going because they’ve been there. They know what it was like to be wearing a 3x or the largest size of pants. Being the fat girl...
rest days
a week of no running and what happens? i run faster than I ever have. Seriously? Does that actually happen. Geez. So i guess that means I have been pushing too hard, im in a bit of shock due to the whole holiday season thing. I thought Id be sluggish with all the treats ive been having, but honestly its here and there. I love me some cookies but im limiting to 1-2 a day otherwise id probably go...
what drives you?
Today at boxing I was told I have great drive. The energy to push myself. And he wants to see me in the ring. And I was awkward/shy about it. I hate compliments, but I know i’ve come a long way. I hesitate because Im afraid of becoming someone I dont know , I hesitate because I’m afraid that in a year or 2 the weight will come back and I will lose that drive. So my question is what...
...and so I ran
It seems, I cannot lately go without running. Like I said in a previous post its like breathing to me. How can I go without it. It helped me get through a lot of stuff this summer. Its my stress reducer, my I can stand life anymore deminisher, my anti antidepressant. So without it ive been a mopey, sighing, lame wad. And I went out for 5 k and ran. It felt great even though it hurt and I was more...
To run or not to run
Been a few days, and I’ve been pondering this question a bit. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what I will run. Not running at this moment is like not breathing. I will ice, painkiller, wrap, do what ever it takes to keep running. I have a 5 k resolution run on the 1st and im kinda nervous, but i will run through the pain. The marathon training will go on hold for a bit, but...
rest days
everyone needs them, but my scheduled changed and now I do not have one. So i have to re look at my workouts and work schedule and make a new one, but my run schedule works out well this way. Well I think it does. I hate to tweak things but I know its for the best especially since now a group of us are doing turbo fire again. Im pretty excited. I love Chalene Johnson. Its been about a year now...
getting out of bed
First of all, electric blankets are the devil. Well not really, but they keep me cozy and warm in bed and I dont wanna leave it ever, so this mornings run was pushed to after work run. Turns out after work runs are waaaaaay better than am runs. As much as i love to wake up and run, i always feel like I just do NOT have the energy for it. But after work , im full of energy and want to go longer...
What are your December goals?
Its December 1st and holiday season. Most people worry about the treats and visiting that causes a little weight gain around this time. But because its a holiday, it does not mean your training should take a break. Goals are set and accomplished because we are dedicated to our goals. So what are your goals this month? Mine are
- Get to size 8 or 170 pounds I will be happy with either.
- Get...
November 2011
5 posts
Days off
I worry a lot about my training. Mostly because I have a goal set, but I took today off anyway. My marathon is in June, I still have a lot of time, but I worry that I’ll not make it the whole distance. Today’s day off, is dedicated to my groin area. Apparently running on slippery surfaces requires a lot of inner thigh balance. Back to normal tomorrow. Or a double run, lets see how much...
To scale or not to scale
When I first started losing weight, weighing myself became obsessive and very routined. Some days I would weigh myself 2-3 times a day. Always first thing in the morning and throughout the day. Depending on whether or not I saw the scale again that day. Most days I would be disappointed that I had gained from starting point. I thought hitting my goal weight would stop the constant need to weigh...
Am I alone?
A friend of mine messaged me today and said “i thought doing this would make me feel empowered but I’ve never felt so alone”. I often ask myself if I am alone or are there others. The answer is, there are others. You are never alone. They are everywhere and I need to constantly remind myself. Even though I did this alone. I do not have to be alone. I have friends who now message...
So it begins...
What is this blog about you ask?
umm.. well its about me. My life. My story. What I am currently doing, eating, wearing, loving, hating, reading. My journey. My struggles. My goals. The middle, and the beginning. Still working on an ending hopefully it doesn’t come too soon.
Why?
Well, because it was time to be honest with myself. I met one of my mentors a few weeks ago. I wanted to cry,...